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Joke of the Day

"OMG!! Lady Diana was on the radio yesterday!! Well, technically she was also on the steering wheel, the cupholder, a small splatter of her on the dashboard.."

"How many of my ex-girlfriends does it take to change a lightbulb? One. Apparently she will screw anything."

"My father once told me, ""Son, you're not an African't American, You're an African American't."" Just kidding. I'm black. I don't have a father."

"They say one in every 3 neighbors is a pedophile Thankfully there isn't one next to me... just 2 smoking hot 6 year olds."

"Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?"

"dad: You're sitting at the kids table this Thanksgiving me: Why? dad: What's a fuse? me: Uh dad: Who's SpongeBob's best friend? me: Patr- oh"

"What would Captain America be called if he fought in Vietnam? You weren't there man"

"How can you tell if a chocolate bar is kosher? It's got a Jewey caramel center."

"Time flies like an arrow... Fruit flies like a banana."

"Somebody spotted a coyote in my neighborhood a few days ago. But it's cool, cause I just started carrying an anvil around everywhere I go."