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Joke of the Day

"In his defense, everyone sounds drunk when they say ""I'm Shia LaBeouf"""

"Bought 17 a fanny pack for back to school to delay my becoming a grandfather too early."

"My ex told me that Gaga's ""Bad Romance"" song reminds him of me. Now I'm glad I dumped him. What sort of idiot admits to listening to Gaga."

"I noticed my waitress had a black eye so I ordered very clearly. Because obviously she doesn't get things right the first time."

"How many men does it take to open a beer? - None. It should be opened by the time she brings it."

"My girlfriend left me because of the way I face the toilet paper. I told her I can't help it... That's just how I roll."

"What's the difference between a Jew and Jewels? Jewels have 3 extra letters."

"""All dressed up and nowhere to go."" - penguins"

"How does Walter Palmer like his eggs? Poached. Thank you, I'm here all week. EDIT: this got no upvotes and I don't think it deserved any"

"You do understand ""Tan"" and ""Orange"" are 2 very different colors right?"