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Joke of the Day

"DiCaprio movie endings; Shutter Island: is he dead? Titanic: is the boat dead? Romeo & Juliet: is everyone dead? Inception: am I dead?"

"I had a track accident last spring... Now it has become a running joke."

"How many jail guards does it take to change a light bulb? Why does it matter? Everyone knows the prison system can't change anything."

"The NFL just got a new official sponsor. V8"

"I like my coffee like I like my men Tall, dark, strong, and inside of me."

"DOCTOR: a new study says the meds ur on cause hallucinations ME: oh LARGE MENACING CACTUS THAT FOLLOWS ME EVERYWHERE: was it peer reviewed?"

"A baseball player was hit in the head with a line drive yesterday... today he's more open-minded"

"Why did Leonardo DiCaprio visit Sesame Street? It was his only chance to see an Oscar"

"The past, the present and the future walk into a bar. Then things get tense."

"[doctor hands wife urn] Ma'am, I'm afraid your husband didn't make it. ""Nooo!"" she cries. Oh, he's fine. But he didn't make this lovely urn."