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Joke of the Day
"What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look! I'm changing!"
Next Joke
"What do you call a will? a dead giveaway"
"You never hear skinny people saying, ""I'm just small boned."""
"Just a soul-crushing reminder that you'll never effectively karate chop a pizza into slices."
"My kids will be friends with people of all colors of the rainbow. That means no black people. (Credit goes to a person on either America's Got Talent or Britain's Got Talent, can't remember which)"
"An apple didn't fall on Isaac Newton's head. He missed the gravity of the situation."
"My girlfriend just accused me of being a transvestite I was absolutely furious, so I packed her things and left"
"Women are supposed to be like butterflies, beautiful and hard to catch... ...But most of you are like mosquitoes, annoying and easy to smash."
"Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does the same movies over again. Who'll he fight? The same bad guys! Billion dollar film franchise."
"What did I do before Twitter? Well, there's my family and......OH MY GOD WHERE'S MY FAMILY?!?!"