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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend just accused me of being a transvestite I was absolutely furious, so I packed her things and left"

"The kids were really suprised when I put ginger in their curry... ...they really *did* love that cat. > Stolen from a recent episode of *Match Of The Day*"

"When I play rock paper scissors I always pick Rock because Dwayne Johnson shows up and punches my opponent."

"My best friend was talking to me about proposing to his girlfriend. I'm not sure though, she's not really my type."

"Welcome to twitter, the support group for people who like people who don't like people."

"There's a new channel called DOG TV that offers 24 hours of programming to entertain dogs while their owners are gone. My dog doesn't want to watch TV I just got him an iPad."

"I fucked a vacuum cleaner once... It sucked"

"What does non-alcoholic beer and going down on you cousin have in common? Sure they taste the same, but it just ain't right."

"What do my wife and my math teacher have in common? They both love to create problems that I am apparently supposed to solve."

"When you die your voice gets added to the Big Bang Theory laugh track."