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Joke of the Day

"Q. What is the fastest way to get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A. Wave at her."

"So my Orchestra conductor keeps telling the Violas to play louder... I guess it just isn't their Forte. ;)"

"What's the difference between a psychiatrist and his patients at the mental hospital? The patients are the ones that get better and get to go home."

"I hate when people kick my cats! It really hurts my felines."

"What do a slinky and your mother in law have in common? They're both fun to watch tumble down stairs."

"My life is a nightmare since they legalized gay marriage Because I have Iridophobia."

"Pearl Harbour 9/11'd Josh Hartnett's career. Three disasters in seven words that make a fully coherent sentence. Can anyone do better?"

"Black Betty An African lady named Betty came into a restaurant and asked the server, ""Is there any chicken on the menu?"" The server replied, ""No, Black Betty, it's ham or lamb."""

"So my doctor told me I need to stop eating so much... But I don't think I can just quit eating cold turkey."

"What do you call sex with a burrito? Getting chipotlaid."