4453

Joke of the Day

"My life is a nightmare since they legalized gay marriage Because I have Iridophobia."

"I hate when interviewers ask ""why do you want this job?"" So many responses run through my head, but I don't want to sound unprofessional by saying ""because I need the fucking money."""

"I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner, all it was doing was gathering dust."

"Lava can't melt marble columns. Pompeii was an inside job! WAKE UP ROME!"

"I wonder how many times Batman had to rub one out in the Batmobile after fighting with Catwoman"

"I went to the doctors this morning as I had a strawberry growing from my ear. He gave me some cream for it."

"Why does Mel Gibson never order a French Dip at a restaurant? Because it comes with Au Jus."

"The key to comedy? Perfect del ivery"

"Two things I hate: 1) People who form negative opinions of celebrities based only on what they see or hear on TV. 2) Justin Bieber."

"The people in the room next door are definitely just furiously making their bed. Nothing more. NOTHING MORE."