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Joke of the Day

"What's the best thing about a blowjob? The five minutes of peace and quiet"

"I'm voting my fridge for president. Because America needs to chill the fuck out."

"What is the difference between the hot girl at work and the one at home? You can assign tasks to the first kind!"

"[flying remote control helicopter near my wife] GET THAT THING AWAY FROM MY- [helicopter gets tangled in her hair & now I'm a dead person]"

"Me: I want a pet dragon! Life: HERE'S A CAT WITH IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME."

"Did you hear about the constipated Mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil."

"All across the United States of America, at this very moment, right now.... Kelsey, Madison and Taylor literally can't even."

"If I had a penny for every Trump joke made during the election... I could be the president in 2020"

"If I fave ur tweet on a Friday night pls know I'm doing it from the party club, where I am partyclubbing with my [opens dictionary] friends"

"looks vs personality Looks aren't everything, but you can't wank over personality."