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Joke of the Day

"If I fave ur tweet on a Friday night pls know I'm doing it from the party club, where I am partyclubbing with my [opens dictionary] friends"

"Miley Cyrus Im trying to think of a miley cyrus joke, but its just not twerking."

"Did you hear the Energizer bunny got arrested? He was charged with battery."

"Two guys are busted stealing a calender The both got 6 months"

"I go to the gym religiously. You know, once or twice a year around the holidays."

"Tinder announced a new feature this week which gives users 37 gender options to choose from And it's now easier than ever to avoid matching with the mentally unstable"

"I imagine the hardest part about being vegan is getting up before sunrise to milk all of those almonds."

"Have you heard about the pussy that opens beer bottles? Here's a bottle opener, go get me a beer."

"You know what my new year's resolution is? 1680x1050"

"There's a cure for kleptomania! They make a pilfer that."