188224

Joke of the Day

"All across the United States of America, at this very moment, right now.... Kelsey, Madison and Taylor literally can't even."

"I'm thankful for my Twitter family. Without you people, I'd still just be talking to myself"

"I like to show my girlfriend who's boss in our house by holding a mirror up to her face."

"Kid sounds like the turtle from Finding Nemo http://youtu.be/3yDeag-HzuE"

"just saw a church sign that says, ""santa claus never died for anyone."" and i'm like, ""okay well jesus never brought me a barbie dreamhouse."""

"my bf is wonderful but he will never be as soft as my roommate's dog who moved out of the house WHY GREG WHY CAN'T YOU BE AS SOFT AS THE DOG"

"Why can't astronauts listen to music? The beat can't drop in outer space."

"Nicki Minaj is my favorite teletubby"

"I Like Long Walks on the Beach until the LSD wears off and it turns out I'm dragging a mannequin around a Wendy's parking lot"

"Why is today John Philip Sousa Day? Because he told everyone to march fourth."