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Joke of the Day

"Why did you drive the lawn mower over your Easter basket? I thought the plastic grass was growing too high!"

"Patient: Doctor you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress I keep losing my temper with people. Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I just did didn't I you stupid fool!!"

"Time travelers never have a good excuse for being late."

"My parents are divorced. I feel fat and all the other girls my age have boyfriends. Him: Being a teenager is tough. Me: *sigh* I'm 40."

"I wonder if all the other popcorn kernels in the bag freak out when the first kernel pops"

"How can you tell that the stage is level? The drummer is drooling out of *both* sides of his mouth."

"A German walks into a French bar There is no counter."

"Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar... And doesn't."

"What kind of a cake requires goggles to eat? Bukkake"

"Wait, Fellatio isn't a flavor of ice cream?!"