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Joke of the Day

"If I ever run into my doppelganger I'm going to steal his liver."

"According to the 25th Amendment, if the President is incapacitated, the Vice President becomes the executive producer of ""The Apprentice."""

"Roses are red Violets aren't ferns Since I've been with you When I pee it burns."

"How many ears does Captain Kirk have? 3: a left ear, a right ear and a final frontier. (Courtesy of my dad)"

"Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactoes"

"25% of twitter users are on medication for mental illness, which means 75% are running around untreated."

"""Wanna go camping?"" ""No thanks, I have a house."""

"What game do you play if you don't take care of your teeth? Tooth (truth) or Consequences."

"I tell people to have a great weekend at noon on Mondays hoping they won't talk to me for the rest of the week."

"Brazil now has a new fool proof condom for Brazilian Men... It is shaped like a goalpost, so nothing of brazilian origin can get through!"