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Joke of the Day
"If I ever run into my doppelganger I'm going to steal his liver."
Next Joke
"Mom, don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital. NoUrImmature, you've been a doctor for eight years now. Please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
"My dog eats his puke and dirty tissues... but I point him to a mushroom I dropped and he gives me the ""what is this shit"" look."
"What has a mouth but never speaks, Has a bed but never sleeps, And has legs but never walks?   A mute, crippled insomniac"
"What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up."
"What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts. What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts. What do you call nuts on your chin? A dick in your mouth."
"What did the dyslexic kid say to his parents at Christmas? I love Satan"
"What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic? ANKH ANKH!!"
"How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb? Two, one to change the bulb and another to hold the penis. ladder! I meant ladder."
"*gets down to snails level* IF YOU JUST TELL ME WHERE YOU'RE TRYING TO GET TO THEN I CAN HELP YOU GET THERE FASTER."