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Joke of the Day

"Dr: it looks like you've contracted sumatta Me: what is that? Dr: what is what? Me: sumatta Dr [grits teeth]: say it together"

"Epitaph for a house cat: ""She died as she lived..."" ""...chewing on power cords."""

"Why do melons always have big weddings? Because they can't elope."

"If you can't spell a word...what do you do? Find the locution"

"A man walks into a mental hospital wearing nothing but plastic wrap. The clerk says to him, ""You definitely belong here, I can clearly see your nuts!"""

"Life is like a pipette filler It sucks."

"(Job Interview) Interviewer: So, tell me about yourself. Me: I'm unemployed. I: How about something personal? Me: Personally I need a job."

"My grandfather died during the Holocaust He fell off a guard tower."

"If I could have back all the money I've spent on drugs and alcohol, I'd celebrate by buying more drugs and alcohol."

"When I met my wife I knew she was a keeper She was wearing massive gloves."