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Joke of the Day
"When I met my wife I knew she was a keeper She was wearing massive gloves."
Next Joke
"Did you hear about the cannibal walking through the jungle and... he passed his brother?"
"My parents decided the key to a successful marriage is going out to a fancy restaurant twice a week. My dad goes out Mondays and my mom goes out Fridays."
"I rank my kids by how many chores they do and how much they complain. My favorite child is the Roomba."
"People used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a standup comic. Well, no one's laughing now. Wait."
"What comes after a farting competition? Farty!"
"What's the best part about fucking 28 year olds? There's 20 of em'"
"Why do we never run out of math teachers? Because they are always multiplying."
"The last time I made a chick moist.... was a water balloon fight in 4th grade."
"*slowly pulls up in a car next to you when ur walking on the sidewalk* ""why did u favorite that instead of retweeting it?"""