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Joke of the Day

"What kind of dog did the sad cantaloupe get? A melon collie!"

"I told my dentist I wanted whiter teeth so he named them all Bryce and moved them to a gated community."

"Show me a woman in a Tweety Bird t-shirt and I'll show you a woman who shoplifts in the grocery store."

"Why does an octopus have 8 tentacles instead of 6? (OC) Because even god thinks ""Sextapus"" sounds ridiculous. (Note: For purposes of this joke, god both exists, and prefers latin.)"

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew.."

"There once was an algebraic instructionswoman who did not rinse out her mouth The function of Listerine to her breath varied inversely, as the function of Listerine went undefined throughout the year."

"My friend told me his favourite word was 'many' It doesnt mean much to me..."

"[Lies on resume about having gone to preschool] Boss: You're hired. Your first task is to make me a macaroni picture. Me: *eyes widen* what"

"What do my relationships and fat people have in common? They never work out."

"When people ask me if I'm working hard or hardly working, I wanna punch them in the face and ask if they're hurting hard or hardly hurting."