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Joke of the Day

"[Lies on resume about having gone to preschool] Boss: You're hired. Your first task is to make me a macaroni picture. Me: *eyes widen* what"

"What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!"

"The handicap parking at the special olympics must be insane"

"What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year."

"If at first you don't succeed tell yourself a litany of excuses then numb yourself with Oreo blizzards."

"What's the latest big thing to sweep across Japan? The ocean."

"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? A porcupine has its pricks on the outside."

"What do you call meat that is on sale for half off in the south? Roadkill"

"To anyone who says white people can't jump... You obviously haven't seen footage of 9/11."

"Jesus killed the dinosaurs because he was tired of their bullshit."