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Joke of the Day

"FRIEND WHO JUST RECEIVED MAGICAL POWERS: idk what I should do first FRIEND WHO IS TRAPPED IN AN OIL PAINTING FOR SOME REASON: I have an idea"

"I was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer and my doctor said it was caused by browsing /r/funny."

"Christian Mingle: God has hidden a spouse for you on our website. Pay us $30 and see if you can find them."

"What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas? ""Thanks, I'll never part with it."""

"I havent talked to my wife in 6 months. I got a slap the last time I interupted her."

"So what goes around comes around eh? Try saying that to my belt"

"Enviromentalists:""How can we stop the rising oceans Me (understands displacement but not enviromentalism):""Pull all those big whales out."

"My gf just sat me down and confessed to me that she used to be a Christian. It came as quite a shock; I've only ever known her as Christine"

"The time machine of tomorrow. Today."

"1st Anniversary: Let's go to Vegas 5th Anniversary: Get a sitter so we can go to dinner 10th Anniversary: Russian roulette sounds like fun"