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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend asked me if I had a secret pet name for her. Judging by the look on her face, 'sperm whale' was not an appropriate answer."

"So sick of not knowing if a girl's single. We need a symbol ""Rings?"" Not visible enough ""Screw it, lets put a dot on their foreheads"" -India"

"What's the worst part about being a railroad conductor? The training."

"Strong people don't put others down: They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage."

"Sometimes I like to use big words... So people will think I am more photosynthesis"

"I think my life is a Saturday Night Live sketch. It began with promise, but now it's going nowhere and the last half sucks."

"If I were a hairdresser, my business cards would say, ""I'll cut you."""

"People don't make your heart skip a beat. Medical conditions do. Idiots."

"Fucking terrorists. I guess I can't google ""nice truck"" anymore to find out about the latest pickups on the market...."

"having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house"