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Joke of the Day

"My thai-girlfriend told me it's ok to have a small penis I would still prefer that she had a vagina. EDIT: Grammar thx to /u/Jarabar"

"I have used contact lenses my whole life... I can apply them with my eyes closed."

"Honestly they're going to announce World War 2S before they announce World War 3"

"I hate when I miss the garbage truck and just have to throw trash in the neighbors hot tub again"

"Why does my son deserve some Reddit Gold? Because he's Autistic."

"""No, I didn't forget your gift"" *digs in purse ""Got you this hairspr..I need that. Got you this keyring"" *removes keys"

"What did Stevie Wonder think when he got a cheese grater for christmas? That it was the most violent book he'd ever read."

"Have you heard of the new crime drama involving a rich dinner party? It's called Law and Hors D'oeuvres."

"Her: I told you! Two beers and you're home at 10! Him: Oh, it was this way around."

"What do fish talk about at work? Current events"