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Joke of the Day

"""No, I didn't forget your gift"" *digs in purse ""Got you this hairspr..I need that. Got you this keyring"" *removes keys"

"[Snail Court] Snail Lawyer: Permission to approach the bench, Your Honor? Snail Judge: I'm sorry; we don't have that kind of time."

"What did the jack say to the car? ""Can I give you a lift?"""

"To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris."

"What do being in the mafia and cunnilingus have in common... One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit!"

"What's the best way to get bubblegum out of your hair? Cancer"

"[Spain, 1578] ""I'm not a witch!"" But all the cats? ""My pets!"" The broom? ""For cleaning!"" The cauldron of boiling children? ""Ok I'm a witch."""

"Those men drinking battery acid Will soon be charged"

"What type of jeans do the Mario Brothers wear? Denim denim denim"

"I hate all 1970's female solo artists What a bunch of pre-madonnas"