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Joke of the Day

"You know how I feel when I had sex with a rather large girl before she became extremely attractive? It's okay, because I fucked her before it was cool. *Throws on hipster glasses*"

"Why Can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer? Because sometimes, you can get rid of cancer."

"Share the most offensive and politically incorrect jokes you know."

"Please stop adding noises to your songs that sound like maybe something is wrong with my car."

"Backseat drivers are the worst. They're always like ""the light is red!"" and ""don't text and drive!"" and ""oh god, I think that was a person!"""

"New Year's is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don't want you reusing last year's calendar."

"How do you get a gay to fuck a women? Shit in her cunt"

"Why did Heisenberg have a miserable sex life? Because when he found the correct position, he didn't have the momentum, and when he finally found the time, he didn't have the energy."

"We Played the Guessing Game Mom: What did you do at school today? Mark: We played a guessing game. Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam? Mark: That's right."

"The cashier wasn't impressed with my top hat, sash, and monocle until I said ""Keep the change"" from the $1 I gave him for my $0.95 purchase."