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Joke of the Day

"Remember that scene in Die Hard qhen the hero squeezes the magazine's boobs? Now he can really die hard."

"I always cry at weddings (they're wasting so much rice!!)"

"Q: Why did eighteen blondes go to the movies together? A: They heard that under seventeen weren't admitted!"

"I like my women like I like my coffee. Cold."

"4 different views of a tunnel PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks."

"A dyslexic atheist screamed out loud... THERE IS NO DOG!"

"Everyone stop writing movies. Hollywood is just going to make every movie again every 13 years until we all die"

"I hate what you've done with the place."

"The difference between being interrogated by a terrorist & interrogated by a woman is that eventually the terrorist will end your suffering."

"Oh dear... I should get out of the way, he's probably trying to catch a bad guy. -me getting pulled over"