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Joke of the Day

"A snowstorm knocked out the power of a black man's house, so he went out to investigate. He's the only blackout in a whiteout."

"Secret combination of ingredients for homemade Viagra discovered Add 2 parts MiracleGro to 1 part Fix-A-Flat"

"Nothing brings out the kid in you like... an abortion."

"Why was Hitler bad at math? Because could never find the Final Solution."

"The other day, after much trial and error, I successfully became completely weightless... I was like, 0mg!"

"My stages of awkward: Sober me: I don't know what to do with my hands Drunk me: I don't know what to do with my face High me: What face?"

"I asked god for a bike but I knew it didn't work that way... So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness instead."

"[On phone to police] Has there been a report of a pervert in the park? P: No, there hasn't. Me: oh good. [Goes back to hiding in bushes]"

"A black man and a feather fall out of a tree. Which hits the ground first? The feather. The black man is stopped by the rope."

"Why are indecisive miners the worst? because all day they deal with ores."