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Joke of the Day

"I was in Ferguson last night and got jumped by 5 black guys! The car started right up, they just said it just needs a new battery. What nice gentlemen i thought to myself."

"Just finished a book about an immortal pet dog. I couldn't put it down."

"This year I decided I am going back to the real roots of Thanksgiving and celebrating it in the traditional fashion. I will be handing out smallpox blankets to Native Americans."

"Dark humor What is green and turns red, when you press the button? A frog in a blender"

"Our sex.. Would be a lot like eating caterpillars, a little awkward at first but totally worth it once butterflies sprayed out my butt. Top this pickup line so I can steal it and use it later."

"One of the main goals for Republicans is to close our Borders. Well, mission accomplished. I hear they're going after Books-A-Million next."

"OK, so they have GPS that can navigate you all the way across the country...why can't someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?"

"What is a Pirates favorite letter. You think it be RRRRRRRR but it be the C!"

"What kind of train eats too much? a chew chew train"

"I had a dream that my friend Martin became the ruler of all bath sponges. We called him Martin Loofah King."