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Joke of the Day

"I was in Ferguson last night and got jumped by 5 black guys! The car started right up, they just said it just needs a new battery. What nice gentlemen i thought to myself."

"""Tired"" isn't even a temporary state for me anymore it's more like a part of my personality at this point."

"What do you call a woman with her tongue out? A lesbian with a hard on."

"Pretty sure Brazil has an enormous wax museum."

"What is the best part about banging a Milf ...you get to steal the Capri sun in the morning."

"My daughter has reached that age where she is asking embarrassing questions about sex. Just this morning she asked, ""Is that the best you can do?"""

"Do you like this hotel? Then why don't you Marriott !!!! Hahahah"

"I went out for Chinese last night, I told the waiter that the chicken was rubbery... He thanked me."

"If someone is cramping your style, Tell they, go masturbate elsewhere you pedophile!"

"OK THERE. DID I PASS YOUR STUPID SOBRIETY TEST YET? Cop: Sir, you're still laying on the ground where you fell down."