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Joke of the Day

"I went out for Chinese last night, I told the waiter that the chicken was rubbery... He thanked me."

"The year is 2027. Voice to text is flawless. A young child points at a bird and says, ""Duck"". His mother slaps him."

"Why did the LAPD leave the Dodger game early? They wanted to beat the crowd."

"Doctor: Sir, I have two bad news for you The first is that you have 48 hours before you die -And the second one? :'( I should have told you yesterday"

"It's sad to see how people seem to put more effort into their wedding than they do into their marriage."

"Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!"

"My girlfriend and I are having a disagreement. She wants a huge wedding with 500 guests and a piano player... I want us to see other people."

"I once tried to pick up a lady with a sausage joke.. ..I don't think it could have gone any wurst"

"I want to tell a joke about infrastructure spending in the UK but only people in London will get it."

"MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE"