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Joke of the Day

"I have two requirements in my will.... 1) I want my remains spread out at Disney World 2) I do not want to be cremated."

"If Kanye West and Justin Beiber were drowning, and you only save one of them... What kind of a sandwich would you make?"

"Why couldn't Muhammad pick his wife up from childcare? Because Muslim girls can't go to school"

"Just ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon I'll be sure to let you know which one wins so we can settle this once and for all."

"My son is a star mathlete. He has developed a geometric formula for fitting his body perfectly into a locker."

"I changed my major from being an actuary. I just couldn't handle the risk."

"What is a Canadian's favorite nirvana song? All Apologies"

"I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them."

"So glad I don't subtweet like SOME PEOPLE."

"What's the best thing about kids? Making them!!!"