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Joke of the Day

"I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them."

"I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10am... I'm not really a mourning person."

"if i had a dollar for every time i had sex i'd be homeless"

"locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic the other day. It turns out they get really pissed when you go in and ask them for a coat hanger"

"Give us your most offensive joke (with one challenge) No Jew, black, Helen Keller or dead baby jokes. Feeds are always filled with those. Let's see something different."

"""You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?"" Always seems like a strange way for my wife to start a conversation with me."

"I have just endorsed Andy Murray on LinkedIn for tennis."

"Hey dude, can you make a pamphlet for me? For you bro? Sure."

"How do you call an unlocked phone ? Married and virgin."

"How do you kill a troll? With a firewall spell."