167982

Joke of the Day

"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. The FedEx guy, and the Walmart greeter. Mom's kind of a slut."

"wherever this dart lands is where I'll take a trip to *throws dart and it lands on Hogwarts poster* oh, well this is going to be difficult"

"Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now."

"Sometimes I yell at my stepladder, ""You're not my real ladder! You can't tell me what to do!"" And then I kick it. Feels good."

"Q: What is Mr. T's nickname for Wednesday? A: Chump day."

"Probaly only Germans get the joke .... What is Bear Grylls favourite flower ? Die Pissnelke ....."

"Giraffe: That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen! [5 min later] *vomits*"

"I was redditing while on the toilet when... I almost dropped my phone..... literally scared the shit out of me"

"What did one cheese say to the other? I know it's cheesy, but I feel grate!"

"When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You're both now."