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Joke of the Day

"Elf cop:""We got a robbery in progress on Candy Cane lane. Hit the light Rudolf! *Rudolf sticks nose through sunroof*"

"I went to the doctor's office the other day And he told me, ""you've got to stop masturbating so furiously."" I responded, ""why, doc?"" He angrily responded, ""because, I'm TRYING to examine you."""

"Someone asked where I'm from and I said Wisconsin. She got excited, ""Like That '70s Show!"" and I clarified, ""More like Making a Murderer."""

"Why are TVs attracted to people? Because people turn them on"

"What do you call a news anchor with diarrhea? Anderson Pooper"

"I wrote a book on DIY. It comes with a free pen."

"I couldn't be on a reality show because I wouldn't want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone."

"Be original. Don't just walk up to a girl in a bar. Pay bouncers to clear a path & cartwheel up to her. If rejected casually cartwheel away."

"Unarmed Aeroplanes, America's only weakness. too soon?"

"What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken."