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Joke of the Day

"me: siri, clear my evening appointments, i've got a date tonight. siri: ""lol yeah ok. beep boop beep. gotcha."""

"There hasn't really been any natural disasters lately Even the mudslides have gone downhill."

"I'm always right about things... Could you say I have a correctile dysfunction?"

"Dear Redditors, I do not mean to sound slutty, but you can use me whenever you want. Sincerely, Grammar"

"Apparently champagne is the easiest alcohol to digest, so I'm going to consume several bottles to wash down my salad."

"What's Al-Qaeda's favorite American football team? The New York jets."

"BlackBerry's are great phones to have if you're time traveling to 2005 and don't want people to know you're from the future."

"What does Walter White say when he tells a knock-knock joke? I am the one who Knock-knocks."

"What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day? Hog and kisses! "

"If you are American when you go into the bathroom... ... and you are American when you come out of the bathroom. What are you while you are in the bathroom? European!"