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Joke of the Day

"[grandma's house] Little Red Riding Hood: Are you going to eat me? Wolf: I just want my hoodie back."

"Why do mice have long tails ? Well they'd look silly with long hair !"

"*holding banana up to my ear as if it's a phone* haha, get it?? it looks like i am making a phonecall. but i'm n-*banana rings* oh crap"

"My girlfriend told me once that I need to be more affectionate. Now I have two girlfriends."

"Mondays aren't so bad if you force yourself to have a terrible weekend."

"Anyone who's voice doesn't jump a few octaves when talking to a puppy probably kills people for a living"

"""Here you go body some nutritious food, how bout some energy?"" Body: ""I shall make this into nose hair"""

"Why did the fishermen buy a new pole? Just for the halibut."

"What's the difference between... A gold fish and a mountain goat? One mucks about the mountain. What's the difference between a police batton and a magician's wand? One is used for cunning stunts."

"Cheek of my doctor. I went in for a check up and he said I'll never have kids. I said ""why? am I infertile doctor?"" He said ""no your a fat cunt."""