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Joke of the Day

"Me: Diets suck. Why I gotta do it too? Her: No I in team Me: Isn't 1 in diet either. Her: Yes there.. Me: I'm too hungry for your mindgames!"

"Why do people at Disneyland hate coke heads? They're always cutting lines"

"My nickname is Spaghetti Because I'm 20 inches and hot water makes me floppy."

"When I was little and asked Mom how to spell a word she'd hand me a dictionary so when she asked how to do emojis I handed her a 13-year-old"

"Me: congrats! Are you pregnant? Her: (awkwardly) Noooo... Me: *panics* do you wanna be? -great save- thanks brain"

"My British friend Julian Wang just bought his first automobile We call it the Wang car. //needs work"

"Me: I love you Wife: I will testify against you if required"

"What subject did Dracula major in during college? AcCOUNTing This joke must be on a popsicle stick somewhere."

"What did the manager of a log cutting company tell his employees when they were working too slow? Chop chop."

"My family used to be in the steal and iron business My dad would steal and my mom would iron."