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Joke of the Day

"Best pick up line in a gay bar? ""May I push your stool in?"""

"Why was the lazy-eyed man a horrible teacher? Because he couldn't control his pupils."

"[mall food court] Me: *stomach rumbling* OMG not now Brain: Too bad you hate using public washrooms My White Undies: Sweet baby jesus no"

"Why are there no black people in clue? Because then it wouldn't be a mystery."

"I got a great deal on a boat the other day..... Sail"

"Let me get this straight Hulu Plus. I pay you $ to watch shows & then you fill those shows with commercials. This sounds familiar."

"Guess who I bumped into today at the opticians? Everyone."

"I made three snow angels the other day. I skidded on the ice and took out three pedestrians."

"what do you call a gathering of nuns a convent-tion"

"Back in my day, we didn't have apps to tell everyone where we were all the time We had to actually work for it if we wanted to get murdered"