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Joke of the Day

"Back in my day, we didn't have apps to tell everyone where we were all the time We had to actually work for it if we wanted to get murdered"

"""Today's special is a grilled Chilean sea bass with white wine reduction. We recommend Instagramming it with the 1977 or Apollo filters..."""

"Nobody who does marijuana says they ""do marijuana."""

"What is better than coming second in the Special Olympics? Not being retarded. Sorry guys. Poor taste. But it is what it is."

"Why do Jews get circumcised ? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's 10% off"

"'How to Win Friends & Influence People' is getting a sequel How to lose friends and alienate people."

"How do you circumcise a hillbilly? Kick his sister in the chin."

"Who is this Rorschach guy? And why does he keep making paintings of my parents fighting?"

"I don't take my shirts to the dry cleaners. If I want to look sharp, I pay the iron price."

"When the picture of the vampire's grandmother crashed to the floor in the middle of the night what did it mean? That the nail had come out of the wall."