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Joke of the Day

"I painted my computer black thinking it would run faster. Now it doesn't work."

"What's the difference between a lazy overeater and a flirtatious emo? One is Sloth the Gluttonous the other is Goth the Sluttiness. Yep made that up on the way home today... Sorry."

"Today everyone will update about who they chose for president, then tomorrow it will be back to what they chose for lunch."

"A kid is playing with his Testicles, while his mom baths him... ""Mommy is this my brain?"" ""Not yet sweetheart, not yet"""

"My career as a karate instructor finally came to an end. The parents found out I wasn't qualified and just enjoyed kicking children."

"I've just returned from outer space. I took a book to read while I was up there. I couldn't put it down."

"What kind of meat do priests eat? Nun."

"18: I'm going to ask the stylist what color screams parental issues. Me: ..."

"I think about other women when I'm having sex with my wife. But I always think about her when I'm having sex with other women."

"What am i doing after taking lots of codeine? I literally ain't doin' shit..."