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Joke of the Day

"No matter what anyone said, I was never going to take the stand. It's 1000 pages, for Pete's sake!"

"Why do politicians take laxatives? So that they can speak more fluently!"

"Catch her by her waist... Bring her home.. Keep ur hand on her neck Put ur lips on her lips & have a ... ...nice drink...PEPSI"

"If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in."

"If only the Olympics had an event that involved falling down and not spilling your drink..."

"Her cup size will determine how long the hug will last!"

"Twitterzoned (by Kevin L. Schwartz) Is ""Twitterzoning"" a thing? ""You're okay as a Twitter friend, but let's not get all Facebook about this."" You've been Twitterzoned."

"911! I just murdered a bunch of people 911: omg on purpose? Hang on lemme ask, did I murder anyone by mistake?.. No one is answering, So.."

"Why don't they let Italians swim in Long Island Sound? If you know that one, try this one: Why do seagulls fly to the dump?"

"Roses are gray, violets are gray, tulips are gray Im a dog."