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Joke of the Day

"I learned 2 things at least when I was married 1. Always passcode lock your phone 2. Don't use a nude pic of your gf as the lock screen"

"MOPEDS AND FAT LADIES What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common? They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one."

"A horse walks into the bar Several people left because they realised the possible dangers of that situation."

"Sometimes, to impress girls, I use big words that I don't fully understand... ...in an effort to sound more photosynthesis."

"What's the hardest thing about scout camp? No, not your scout master's dick, but choosing what to wear in his tent."

"Why did hitler commit suicide? He saw the gas bill."

"Me: ""Don't piss me off, I can rip a phone book in half."" 10yo: ""A phone what?"""

"Thanks but I don't need help in your store or any other store. I've been in a ton of stores. I know how they work."

"What do old people often do? Die"

"Irony. The other day my friend was telling me that I didn't understand what irony was. Which is ironic because we were in a restaurant."