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Joke of the Day
"What did the zero say to the eight? ""Nice belt, fuck face."""
Next Joke
"My husband says if this gets 150 upvotes we'll try anal just like every other night"
"Two cats cross a river... first cats name is un deux trois. The second cats name is one two three. Which cat made it across? The second cat because un deux trois cat sank."
"""Hey."" ""Hey."" ""What's up?"" ""Nothing."" END OF CONVERSATION."
"I hope my memory foam mattress doesn't remember the man in my bed last night and tell my boyfriend."
"When I die, I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. ... ... not screaming in terror like his passengers."
"A wine tasting? Where people SPIT OUT precious wine?! Sure, maybe we could go to the humane society and watch them put puppies to sleep too."
"I don't like Russian dolls... They're so full of themselves"
"How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the lightbulb and the other to beat the room for being black."
"Listening to Jay-Z has literally taught me everything I know about whether or not a cop can legally search my car."