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Joke of the Day

"I hate how the losers of every election maintain such a high view of themselves... They're conceded"

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"I don't feel bad ignoring the baby when she cries. If she really needs something, she should text me."
"I think metals are my favorite type of element The other ones just seem so lackluster."
"""Are you smarter than a 5th grader?"" Me: ""Sometimes?"" ""Are you smarter than a 16 year old?"" Me: ""Always."""
"A Limerick There once was a man from Port Crown Who went to a doctor in town. The doc gave to he A sup-po-si-to-ry. ""I will not take this sitting down!"""
"What did the Mexican name his two dicks? Jose and Hose B"
"do i own a boat? no no no. im afraid of the ocean. i guess u coud say.. *removes glasses* i cant sea"
"I finally threw away my vacuum cleaner. It was just collecting dust."
"What kind of bike does hipster Jesus ride? A Cruci-fixie."
"Just found out my daughter's super power is repeating what I've said about others as soon as she meets them."
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