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Joke of the Day

"Cop: Wife shot the husband for bothering her while reading a book Sargent: You arrested her? C: No S: Why? C: She's not done with the book"

"What do you call a Mexican working at Tim Hortons? a Filipino"

"Promised myself that today I wouldn't steal anything, kill anyone or use any Meatloaf song lyrics in a sentence & two out of three ain't bad"

"I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now."

"I hear that you're supposed to learn from your mistakes Probably why I'm an only child."

"I was going to make a terrific joke about a bank... ..but then I lost interest."

"[911 call] ""My hand's stuck in a blender!"" ""Turn it on then."" ""What?"" "" I can't hear it, turn it on so I know you're not lying."""

"What can you say about lots of protected sex? It is a common misconception"

"What did the cannibal have for lunch? Baked beings (beans)."

"Why did the Blonde go to a Phone Repairman to get her anus bleached? Because she needed help changing her ring tone."