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Joke of the Day

"bear walks into a bar A bear walks into a bar and takes a bite. bear: beer please. barman: sorry, you're on drugs. Please leave bear: I'm not on drugs barman: what about that barbiturate"

"[cop taps on my fogged up car window on make-out hill] ME: *alone holding a huge steamy bucket of fried chicken* what's the problem officer"

"So they're making a Hulk body wash... You apply it with a Loofah Rigno."

"I'm not a racist. Racist people go to jail, and jail is for black people."

"My uncle Robert was a shit ventriloquist He used to stick his hand up my arse and tell me to say nothing"

"Have you heard about the internet couple that broke up? They just didn't click together anymore."

"I taught my son how to spell beer so he'd stop bringing me Pepsi from the fridge."

"I don't have a racist bone in my body. But my cartilage does not care for Mexicans."

"What do you call masturbating on a plane? Hijacking."

"Spice up your Facebook timeline when someone's status turns to ""It's complicated"" by posting ""thanks for last night"" underneath it."