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Joke of the Day

"I log in and out of Facebook at the same speed a frightened kid runs down into the basement to grab something and runs back up."

"Jesus: Listen guys, why has someone written 'nail appointment' in my diary? Judas: No idea, J. No idea."

"Why were the dyslexic lesbians frustrated? They kept trying 96 but couldn't make each other cum."

"Out of all the Thanes of the alphabet, who is the most grateful? Thane Q"

"Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side."

"I'd like to... I'd like to buy a new boomerang please. Also can you tell me how to throw the old one away?"

"I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years. C'mon guys, I don't have 2020 vision."

"What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bales"

"launch my dead body into space but not too far away. if my calculations are correct, i will win the public pool splash contest in 2076"

"The other day someone said my clothes looked gay... I told them they got out of the closet just this morning."