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Joke of the Day

"Why did the chicken dance with a fig? It couldn't get a date."

"""Professor I hear your wife has had twins. Boys or girls?"" ""Well I believe one is a girl and one is a boy but it may be the other way around."""

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? Asian businessmen don't pay thousands of dollars to have a lentil on their face"

"I failed my audition as Romeo through a misunderstanding over a stage direction. My copy of the script said: 'Enter Juliet from the rear'"

"if you go to a nascar rally carrying a clipboard and wearing a hard hat people will just let you go on the track and kiss all the good cars"

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face before."

"OMG I BOUGHT A MASK AND A GUN AND NOW EVERYTHING IS FREE"

"[graduation speech] all of our parents had sex during the same year and i think that's really great"

"A skeleton walks in to a bar... The bartender says, ""What'll it be, mister?"" The skeleton says, ""A beer and a mop, please!"""

"""Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa"" - the soundtrack to every Middle Eastern scene in every Hollywood movie."