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Joke of the Day

"Why is it so hard to explain metaphors to a kleptomaniac? Because they always take things... Literally"

"What is the quickest way to get Trump out of The White House?? Put Monica Lewinsky in there. She's not the hero we deserve, but she'd be da real MVP we need right now."

"most cutting thing you can say is ""who's this clown?"" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns"

"GOD: no work on the sabbath or I'll kill you ISRAEL [hasn't had a day off in 400 years]: awesome! GOD: what ISRAEL: we mean...oh no so hard"

"Q: Why are Republicans always so strung up about 9/11? A: Elephants never forget."

"If someone gossips to you, you can bet they also gossip about you..."

"What's Han Solo's favorite type of video game? First person shooter."

"How do you get a musician off your porch? Pay for the pizza."

"What's the difference between a cloths hanger and a flight of stairs? The cloths hanger only solves one problem."

"From the pilot during his welcome message: ""We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight."