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Joke of the Day

"I've only had one car accident in the last month. It was a hit and run, so technically it doesn't even count."

"People that are stoned shouldn't throw glass houses."

"I would tell you jokes about perfect girlfriends But you wouldn't get them"

"What's the difference between a Porsche and a Porcupine? A Porcupine has the pricks on the outside"

"Last night I got a handjob from a blind girl She said, ""You've got the biggest dick I've ever put my hands on."" I said, ""nah, you're just pulling my leg."""

"Remember that time you thought you were more important than everyone else? Turn back, this was a click wasted"

"What's a pirate's favorite Antivirus? Avast."

"WIFE: look at that couple. He kisses his girl every time he sees her. Why can't you do that ME: I'd love to but I don't know her well enough"

"I bought these pants 50% off. I guess they're shorts now."

"The government is dysfunctional and needs to be fixed I'll probably fall in love with it any minute"