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Joke of the Day

"*takes load of groceries off of old woman's hands* these are mine now you old prune"

"Gets in shower Washes hair Thinks about a tweet Forgets if washed hair Washes hair Gets out of shower Forgets tweet"

"What's wrong with lawyer jokes? Lawyers don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes."

"I would never tell a rape joke It would be too forced"

"He was next in line at Starbucks. Then she cut in front of him. Liam Neeson in TAKEN 3: SKINNY VANILLA MAYHEM."

"what is the difference between toilet paper and toast Toast is brown on both sides."

"How did Hitler lose weight quickly ? Juice cleanse."

"The mechanic has informed me that the shrieking sound I hear in my car on my way to work is apparently me."

"I spend more time on twitter than I do in church. I'd rather vent to imaginary friends on the Internet than to imaginary friends in the sky."

"Remember how in Lord of the Rings they slept out under the stars? It was pretense."