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Joke of the Day

"In a restaurant: Customer: Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!! In a restaurant: Customer: Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!! Waiter: Sorry, sir. The fly is on vacation."

"Him: Wow you're eating again? Me: Wow you're celibate again?"

"Shot pool with my 15yo son. Taught him a valuable lesson. You can restart a video game 1000 times. You can only lose your allowance once."

"Annoucement: At my funeral, all my tweets shall be recited. I will then haunt whomever leaves first, demanding honest feedback for eternity."

"What are the three rings of marriage? The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering."

"What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? Dogs don't lick jam... just kidding... they do ;)"

"My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes."

"Woman: Please send an ambulance, I'm having contradictions!! Operator: Ma'am, do you mean 'contractions'? Woman: Yes! No!"

"Me: Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Padre: What is your sin, my child? Me: Twitter. Padre: Wow, if I had a nickel for every time . . ."

"My dog used to chase after people on bike So I took the bike away from him."