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Joke of the Day

"My dog used to chase after people on bike So I took the bike away from him."

"Why did the global warming activist compliment the earth? Cause it looked hotter than usual! (I'll see myself out)"

"*Wife walks in, the house is trashed* ""OMG..we've been burgled"" *I jump out of the closet in full hockey gear* HAVE YOU SEEN THE WASP KAREN?"

"Keep calm and text a random number...""I'm pregnant"""

"I want to see a documentary about Morgan Freeman that is narrated by wild animals."

"So my friend called me last night to tell me about how his Swedish car broke down But I told him I didn't have time for his Saab stories"

"Buy a ticket to Finding Dory and yell ""She's right there!"" every time she comes on the screen until you're escorted out of the theater."

"What do Monica Lewinsky and an Asian political correspondent have in common? All they talk about is the presidential erection"

"*buys extra movie ticket seat so I'll have a place to put my microwave bc I'll be damned if I'm paying that much for popcorn"

"Why do warriors make bad business men ? They charge too much !"