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Joke of the Day

"yeah well i hope you go to put your hair in a ponytail but the hair tie is too loose to hold it & not big enough to tie it another time"

"Worried about hair loss? Just draw little rabbits on your head. From a distance they'll look like hares."

"This stray cat on my balcony is looking at me like I'm invading its privacy."

"When I saw ""likes music"" on her dating profile, I almost fell out of my chair. Because I also like music. Holy shit she likes good food too!"

"I hate church with all the sitting, standing, and kneeling. I wish the priest would just pick a position and fuck me."

"I'm open to change but not when it's sudden like Stephen Colbert getting new glasses with no warning"

"I ordered a bowl of spaghetti and found a linguine noodle at the bottom he was an impasta"

"My son does this cute thing where he installs games on my phone and then for weeks I get notifications that my village is under attack."

"Who called them accountants and not sumbodies?"

"What do you call a lame horse? Elmer"