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Joke of the Day

"""Find something you love to do and you'll never work another day in your life."" Because you'll be home masturbating all the damned time."

"Screw you recommended serving size. You don't know me."

"What do you have when you just used the toilet and realized there's no toilet paper? A real mess on your hands."

"A Man Comes into a Bar So a man comes into a bar... or wait no a horse. a man comes into a horse"

"I used to work in children's wear, but I grew out of it."

"Put the punchline in the title. How do you ruin a joke?"

"Cats always land on their feet & bread always lands butter down, but spread butter on the cat's back & everyone wonders why you're naked."

"Doctor: it's important to incorporate purple foods into your diet. Me: *eats purple cupcakes*"

"When people see you as a competition, you already won."

"Got to admire these NFL players who are so committed to their jobs of beating the shit out of people that they do it even in their off time."